Saturday, 22 December 2012

What I learned during the Mayan Apocalypse (and how my world already ended once this year)

So, we're still here friends. No zombies. No crazy self-aware computer systems. No flaming skies and thunder. Just the end of Twinkies, the NHL and a stream of hilarious End of the World Confessions

While the whole world was making Terminator references, I was texting my loved ones 'Just in case the world ends...' because, well, how bad would you feel if the world actually did end, and the last time you called your mom was over a month ago? Life's too short, y'know.

Here are some other thoughts I had while waiting for Armageddon...

1. My world already ended once this year. Nearly seven months ago when my relationship ended. And again four months ago when I left London. And it's only after re-building my life that I realise things weren't actually over. My world hadn't exactly ended - I just got the wind knocked out of me. And as one of my favourite poets Sarah Kay put it "getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air". Likewise, that old adage that you know who your true friends are - yeah, those people stepped up this year (they got 'Just in case the world ends...' messages).

2. 'There is no need to delay your good' - I write these words in the front of every notebook I start. To remind myself that nobody promised you tomorrow. Lately I have been telling myself that in the new year I will be better. At pretty much everything. Since I learnt the definition of Bad Bitch I am making that my goal in 2013. But with another week till 2013, what if I died today? Likewise, all those projects you've been putting off? Those dreams you had? There are a hundred inspirational quotes you can pin - my favourite being that all journeys start with that first step - now is the time, get off the internet, go live that future you imagined (here's some inspiration).

3. Don't let anyone else's dreams overtake your own. I spent the last six years supporting someone else in their goals and dreams and career - while I lost all semblance of myself, my goals, my dreams. If the world had ended yesterday, what would I have achieved? I have an amazing kid, but who am I other than his mama? Now that I know tomorrow is fairly certain, I am making big plans for this year to answer that question.

4. Appreciate your loved ones. Those beautiful people. The little joys. Because life would suck without them, and you don't realise that until it's sucking pretty bad. Appreciate them, then tell them that you're appreciating them. Don't be that guy saying 'if only I had one last chance to tell them...'

5. Scary things happen. Bad things happen. To you and me and people all round the world. Dust off Your Shoulders and keep moving, friend. Don't let those things overtake your life, don't let them define you. Let how you rise and re-build after that bad stuff define you. Be that girl. 

So pretty much what I'm saying here (again) is that life really is too short. Too short for broken hearts and fear and shame and body issues. Your future is not a guarantee, your dreams should not be rainchecked. There are cocktails you need to learn how to make. Novels you need to write. Butterflies waiting to flit round your stomach when you see your crush. Red lipstick to be perfected. Songs that will make you wanna get up and dance no matter how low or how embarrassed you may feel. Bubble baths to be taken. Me, I already said 2013 is gonna be our year. The year I will actually put my dreams first. The year I will embrace every happy thought and feeling and person who brings that happiness into my life. And when the next Apocalypse is predicted... I won't be texting all my friends because they will already know how much I love them, I will accept my zombie fate knowing I gave it my all and all my end of the world confessions will be of scandalous things I did in the pursuit of joy. 

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